Sometimes in my life, I’ve been like a ship without a rudder, that tiny device on a boat that determines the direction of the vessel in whatever circumstance. Oh, I’ve had some great wind in my sails, really great wind in fact, but without my rudder properly in place, I lost out. The problem you end up confronting is that without a goal or plan (i.e., “the rudder”), you become reactive to circumstances and the motivations of others, and as a result, your life and finances don’t really match up with your vision… assuming you have one. Let me give you an example.
Back in my mid-30’s, I got caught up in the effort of “making easy money.” No particular vision, just wanted it to be legal and feed the beast within me, my ego. I decided to take a stab at anything that spoke to me and THAT thought process was my first mistake. Why? Because easy money made, is easy money spent. No guts, no glory, right? Wrong.
I remember being presented with an “amazing” financial opportunity to sell a line of products. Just a one-time investment and you not only can sell a line that “sells itself,” but you get a discount on the entire line as well. Make-up, lotions, perfume, household cleaning, the list was endless. The lotion evidently turned leather into the skin of a newborn baby. “If a lotion could convert an adult’s skin to that of an infant’s, imagine how easily the other products will sell,” they said. “And bonus, like so many others, if you reach a certain sales level, you get a free car,” they said. I was hooked. I knew I could effortlessly convince people to buy these products. Oh, one last thing, Mary Lu, if you want to make your money back, earn real income and get that car, you’ll either need to go door-to-door 24 hours a day (this is pre-internet) or encourage others to come in under you, and take a piece of their action, just like I’m going to do with you.
Pyramid scheme anyone?
And just like that, I bought in…quite literally, with a large chunk of my money. It’s an investment in my future, I rationalized, because the returns are going to be astronomical. As the leader of my pyramid, I would have to coach my next level “marketing” participants into targeting others to “market” under them, because it would feed them, me and the person who recruited me. My team’s success was my success and my success became the-person-above-me's success. How hard can this be?
As with any reckless decision, anxiety and tension were my new soul mates. First, I had to find people to come in under me. And when I finally did get a few, I was frustrated with my underlings for not taking this sales venture more seriously, anger at the person over me for staying on my case, and fear that I was not measuring up to someone else’s definition of success. On top of that, my initial investment was sitting in my closet as unsold product. The stress had me so drained, I literally lost sleep, all because I had become reliant on the activity of others. I was not the captain of my proverbial ship, but merely a passenger.
When I finally came to my senses, I realized that the only way to have some control over my existence was to develop a plan. Start small and work your way up. Step One of my plan, was to extricate myself from that ridiculous multi-level marketing scheme, eat my losses, and get my dignity back. Step Two was to take a cold hard look at myself: where I was versus where I envisioned myself being. I pictured myself debt free, in possession of a decent lien-free car, money in the bank, a home of my own, and ability to travel without breaking the bank. I was not even close, but that wasn’t going to stop me from trying.
Step Three was to develop daily and weekly habits that would feed my monthly and yearly goals, bringing me closer to my vision. Daily habits were small things like no more coffee purchases, bring my own lunch to work, and weekly habits were to plan my grocery list around my weekly menus, be mindful of gas-intensive trips, avoid the Saturday mall excursions (today, we’d say break up with Amazon for a while), and deal head on with my FOMO expenditures. Monthly goals, by way of the budget, measured the culmination of my daily and weekly habits. I was then able to strategize for savings, debt elimination, and plan towards specific purchases instead of willy-nilly acquisitions. Year end, I could see a pattern and adjust accordingly for the next year. This taught me to consider each purchase instead of filling an emotional need.
It doesn’t happen overnight, but it happens. I knew I was on the right track when I could identify with the vernacular of my parents, “When I was a kid, we walked to school, in the snow, without shoes…those were the good old days…” Oddly, my parents were raised in South Florida, but their point was made. And what was the point? That the good things in life take time, are worthy of a plan and to sustain that plan, you need an indomitable will to prevail.
For me, the journey is the most exciting part of the plan, because it develops all kinds of muscles in a person’s character: financial, social, moral, and physical muscles too. You get a front row seat at seeing what makes you great, where your inadequacies are, and what you can do to fill in the holes.
Today, I’m still adjusting my rudder to get me from where I currently am to where I want to be, because once I meet one goal, I set another and another. With each small success, there is a slightly grander one waiting for me on the other side. Some are monumental and others not so much. The point is this: Your rudder, your ship, your vision. Be the captain and not the passenger.
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